Please forgive the sarcasm that is about to follow. I sometimes get into trouble for using sarcasm and wit too much. The Indians we have encountered have been nothing but polite, courteous, gracious and loving. We have enjoyed just about every moment here in India and that is mainly due to the people's undying commitment to hospitality. Please join me in these next few paragraphs of taking a lighter, extreme view of our time in India. I hope you enjoy but remember, this blog is all in good fun and is not meant to raise any response except for laughter.
I am very excited to write the blog today. I finally get to reveal the truth of our time here in Indore, India. While my colleagues like to believe that our native friends stare and take excessive pictures of us because of their interest and affinity for our culture, i would like to posit a different theory. I firmly believe the people of Indore believe we are disgusting, dim witted and out of place. Don't worry i do have proof and no, there will not be a rebuttal.
I will first start with the most recent encounter and work backwards. With the guys in Gwalior, the girls headed to fellow believer's house to teach and share. The women we encountered hated the kurtahs and leggings we stylishlyed adorned. They rushed us to strip off our outer garments and then draped us in sarees. While all of us turned out looking beautiful it was a struggle for some who are not Indian size like, well, me. My hands were too ginormous to put on the bangles they offered and they were more than disappointed with the fact that my ears were not pierced. To complete our transformation from disgusting American to full on Indian, we each elegantly adorned many different pieces of gold and bejeweled jewelry. Carly even had a piece that attached from her nose to her hair. We all received way more comments than we ever did dressed in kurtahs further proving their disdain for our sound attempts at dressing Indian.
Moving backward, Travis somehow forgot to mention our pretty awesome trip to the Amber Fort in Jaipur and with that he also forgot to mention our driver and scary experience involving kids. Our driver used his horn more than all of Jaipur combined. He drove so fast with so much road rage that Indians were telling him to calm down (not a good sign). My conclusion is that he thought we smelled bad and couldn't bear (i always spell this word this way. One guess why) the embarrassment of having white people in his car. When we arrived at the Fort, we stopped so our driver could take a few moments to collect himself and get fresh air. While stopped our car was attacked by six angry kids. If we hadn't the good sense to lock our doors, I'm certain they would have taken our lives. As it was they settled for yelling "chocolate" at us and hitting our windows in a violent manner. I chastised Jenna for her feeble attempts at hiding her smile which only egged them on more. When they finally realized we wouldn't surrender our lives, they moved on. (No lie, I was afraid for my life.)
The third evidence concerns our rickshaw drivers who believe the longer we stay in India, the more we believe that we should pay higher prices for rides. After weeks of mastering the art of negotiating and bargaining for good prices, Travis was told a 60 rupee drive would take 300 rupees while Rachel was laughed at when she wanted one ride to cost 80 rupees instead of the proposed 150. Jokes on them, however, because we paid the prices we set out to get.
The most damning evidence concerns our trips out to restaurants and Easy Day, the Wal-Mart knock-off. Every time we enter an establishment (no lies, no embellishments, pure truth) a person follows us around with a mop or a broom. I can only conclude that they believe we have some disease that if not mopped up immediately will cause everyone within a 20 foot radiance to drop dead within seconds.
I lied. The most damning evidence is the fact that only two people have not fallen sick on our trip thus far. The subcontinent itself is out to get us with it's weird and strange food that's too spicy to consume and it's foreign diseases causing certain people to crawl everywhere they go and vomit everything they've consumed in the the past week. When will the persecution end?! (The most recent victim has been Rebekah. Shes holding in there though.)
Now, I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Mary Emily, everyone stares and takes pictures of you. Surely they love you!" I say to you, "WRONG!" The excessive photography that still persists is done by people that other Indians consider brave and self-sacrificing. These people take pictures so that propaganda can be developed in secret labs so as to make sure every Indian knows the dangers on consorting with Americans.
Then there are the little small things that happen that make me believe we will never be loved by the people of India: the woman who got off the elevator after one floor even though she had another floor to go; security guards giving Carly a chair to sit in because they thought she was too weak to stand while waiting in line for an open dressing room; letting Alecia cut in front of several women in the dressing room line so that Alecia could get out of everyone's presence faster; opening up another checkout line specifically for us so that we wouldn't have to intermingle with the native folk; people cutting in front of us in another checkout line until Papa Heath came in and laid down the hammer; and the fact that I was laughed by just walking through an isle in Easy Day.
Unfortunately for my theory (and it is sound as can be seen by the fact that I took the time to write it down), Nathan and Kelsey seem exempt from the loathing that follows the rest of the team. These two seem to make friends easily and have a good time moving the conversation in the direction we all hope it will go. But I will keep my eyes out for any misdeeds befalling them.
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Posted by Mary Emily
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